Living Brave and Courageous
A life on adventure with Jesus
Part 3- Barnabas Friends
Friends.
Paul had Barnabas. David had Jonathan. You need someone who gets you and loves you anyway. These are people in your life who sharpen you.
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 HCSB
We need friends that are heading in the same direction: Jesus. We need people who will walk this journey with us. Our Pauls in life are ahead of us, our Timothys are behind us, and our Barnabas friends are next to us.
The name Barnabas means “son of encouragement”. That’s the word picture we need for our Barnabas friends. These are the kind of friends who can tell you when you’ve stepped out of line, who know your heart song and sing it back to you when you forget. They have your back. They walk beside you and are often in the same stage of life as you. They tell you when you have lettuce in your teeth too, which we all know is necessary and needful.
I have several Barnabas friends in my life. Typically, my Barnabas friends have been my polar-opposites. They balance me beautifully. They typically have wildly different personalities than me. Vivacious and colorful and eccentric. But our hearts are tightly woven together because we share the same Jesus and strong faith in the Word. One person commented to me about one of my closest friends: “you two are like the fox and the hound”. We laughed and acknowledged how true his words were. We are from different church denominations, look very different in dress styles, and our personalities couldn’t be more opposite.
Barnabas relationships can be like that…but here’s the thing: I become the best version of who Jesus wants me to be when I have Barnabas friends who are different than me and we can love each other because of it. They will show you a different perspective and fill in the spaces YOU CAN’T.
You can’t be everything for everyone all the time. That’s why you need your people. Your Barnabas friends. To fill all the spaces you can’t and be the person you aren’t made to be (but they are). There will be days that you need your friends to point you to Jesus.
There is a story I love in the Bible about friends. It’s found in Mark 2:1-12. When it comes to friends, I think this passage nails it down to four specific things that a good friend is. To cap the story in a nutshell, Jesus is in his hometown teaching in a house. The crowd gathered so big that there wasn’t room for anymore. There was a paralyzed man who needed to be healed…but he couldn’t get to Him. So, his four friends carried him to Jesus. (Y’all, that’ll preach…but I’ll try not to get sidetracked here…) If that wasn’t enough, when they arrived there and couldn’t get to Him, they refused to take NO for an answer. They took their friend to the roof and broke through. Then they lowered their friend to Jesus to be healed.
Verse 5 slays me every time: “Seeing their faith, Jesus told the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’” Later He heals the man and WALKS away. In my Bible, I’ve underlined and circled the phrase SEEING THEIR FAITH. I think it’s amazing that Jesus healed this man based on his friends’ faith, not his own. WOW. Y’all. That’s proof that it DOES MATTER who you choose for your friends. Do they have faith? Are they persistent? Will they carry you to Jesus? Are they willing to show up and get into your mess when you need them to?
Find your people.
The ones who will love you and not think anything less of you no matter what you tell them. Your people, your Barnabas friends, will show up and walk with you through tough times. They will carry you to Jesus. They will hold your hand when you’re crying and wipe your tears away. Your Barnabas friends will say: “I’m with you.” We don’t get places alone.
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” -African proverb
Evaluate Your Relationships: Name your Barnabas friends. Ask yourself these questions: are these people pointing me to Jesus? Are they full of faith and persistence? Are they willing to get in the mess with me? Do they show up when I need them? Also ask yourself this: am I that kind of friend to others?
Also note, everyone needs friends. But not everyone needs YOU as their friend. If there is someone you have a friendship with that is toxic to you…that’s not God’s best for you. He will bring someone else along that can be the friend they need. Don’t compromise your health (spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically) by trying to be friends with everyone. There are such things as leeches and you don’t have to always submit to their shenanigans.
For more practical help on Barnabas-type relationships, check out this book by Lisa Jo Baker, Never Unfriended; Befriend by Scott Sauls; and/or Love Does and Everybody Always by Bob Goff.
Part 2- The Pauls in Life
Coaches. Mentors. I like to call them “Pauls”…those who are blazing the path ahead of us in life.
One of the most powerful relationships on the trajectory of your life is that of a mentor or coach.
Mentorship is a lost concept in our world. Millennials are usually resistant to the idea of needing someone to help them along in life, so we’ve pushed mentors away. Why? Because one of the biggest characteristics of a Millennial and/or Generation Z is this: WE DON’T ADMIT NEED. We think we got it in the bag. Which is hilarious because everyone knows we are lying to ourselves. But we don’t want to admit we need help. We think we know better than the people before us. Let’s get real, friends. Our track record is proving otherwise. We gotta get out of this rut and say what’s true: We are messed up and need coaching. We are designed to need each other. Women need women from generation to generation.
I’ll be honest. In my years of experiencing and teaching the importance of mentorship in Christian groups, Bible studies and women’s events, I usually get the same response from Millennials. “Oh, I want a mentor, I just haven’t found one.” The first dozen times I believed it. But after the twentieth person used that same line, I started doubting the accuracy of the statement. What I found beneath the surface has been the same thing in almost every situation. The gal “wanting” a mentor wasn’t really looking for a mentor. She was looking for an older friend to call a mentor. Someone to pat her on the back, but not get in her grill. Simply put, she didn’t really want someone telling her where she might be wrong or speaking into her life.
Mentors need the freedom to tell you where you’re wrong. It’s not really coaching if they’re only allowed to tell you when you’re right. Coaching involves correction. Correcting your parenting. Changing your thought patterns. Telling you when you’re wrong…because let’s face it, you are wrong at least part of the time. If you’re honest, probably MOST of the time. A mentor can often see this because they watch your life up close and personal.
Vulnerability is key in a mentorship relationship. You gotta get real. Up close. Personal. Your coaches should be able to see you raw and honest because that’s when you can really see where you need help.
Here’s something else to think about mentorship if you’re in leadership… Dr. John Townsend says good leaders NEED someone inputting them. It’s proven science and studied that vulnerability in a leader and having a mentor is the key to going further as a leader. Strong leadership has a direct connection to our willingness to be discipled, coached and mentored by others. (Listen to podcast HERE). I challenge you- study the great men and women of the faith in history. Guaranteed they had multiple people pouring into their lives on a coaching level.
Everyone needs a mentor. YOU, my friend, need a mentor. (Or maybe a few.)
What is a real coach or PAUL? This is someone who is ahead of you in life. They have already been where you are and have moved to the next season. They have made mistakes and victories, and because of those, they can help you navigate the current season you are in. They can help you avoid pitfalls and challenge you to do better and reach for God’s best.
If you are in the middle of toddlers and diapers, you need to look for a mentor that has at least teenagers. Here’s why. It’s not until a mom has ALREADY navigated that entire stage of toddlers and diapers that she can actually tell you what worked and what didn’t. This is why I am not a fan of mommy-blogs. Sorry to crunch on your toes…but mommy blogs are unbiblical. They are one mom with toddlers telling other moms with toddlers how to navigate a season they are still in the middle of. At best, it’s the blind leading the blind. Mentorship is about avoiding pitfalls of life, not falling into them together.
I once had a conversation with a friend who has young children and was struggling with the potty-training stage. He was frustrated with the books and online community out there trying to tell him and his wife how to do it. He told me, “Faith, I don’t want to hear how to do it from someone who is actually doing it right now. I want someone who has ALREADY DONE it. See, if your mom wrote a book on potty training, I would read it! Cause she has already potty trained nine kids. She has a lot of data points to pull from!” For the record, he is a Millennial. So yes, we can get it right sometimes.
I echo my friend’s words. I understand people blogging their journey. I have blogged my singleness journey and probably single people have been blessed by that. But I’m not blogging to mentor them. I’m blogging as a friend and fellow sojourner. Mentors provide challenge and light for the current road you’re on, because they’ve already been there.
Note: I AM NOT SAYING that a mentor has to have been everywhere you are right now. For example, I believe an older woman who never had her own children can mentor someone who does. Scripture is full of examples like this. We’d have to throw out half the New Testament if experience were a requirement for advice. In fact, I’ve heard my mom say multiple times that some of her best parenting advice has come from people who don’t have kids. There is proof that we can glean from those who haven’t lived the exact story we have.
What I am saying is that having someone mentor you who is in the same season of life all around isn’t mentorship. It’s companionship. That’s important (more about that next blog!) but it’s not mentorship. It just won’t be a healthy arrangement. You’ll wind up scratching each other’s backs rather than challenging each other to be who you need to be.
No matter what age you are, you need to be challenged. You need someone who can pour into you. Someone to tell you where you are going wrong. Someone to “get in your grill” and talk straight with you. Paul was a mentor. He took several younger men under his wing, including Timothy, and discipled them. He allowed them to walk alongside him and taught them the ropes of ministry and following Jesus. He had a relationship with them that allowed him to speak truth into them in ways that other people couldn’t. He blazed a path as others followed behind.
Paul said, “Imitate me as I also imitate Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)
From the time I was a teenager, my parents told me regularly to seek out the wise counsel and mentorship of people who would point me to Jesus. They told me that every dad and mom have “holes in their parenting” that God will use other Godly men and women to fill. I can’t tell you how GRATEFUL I am for the mentors and coaches God has put into my life. Right now, I have several mentors- married couples and individuals who regularly speak into my life, give me spiritual homework, pray over me, coach me in leadership and ministry, disciple me in marriage and being a wife and keep me accountable. There have been moments when I have cried at their kitchen tables or over the phone. I have texted them in the middle of the night. They have said hard things to me. And I LOVE them for it. I need their perspective and counsel. It’s never easy to open up and admit we need help…but the more mature we are the more we will realize that we NEED this kind of relationship to stay healthy and continue growing. We need someone close enough to show us our blind spots in life.
From experience I can honestly say that mentorship is the biggest reason I have been able to grow and learn and do the things I’ve done in my life. In various ministry leadership positions, I’ve been able to thrive because of the men and women who kept me accountable, provided wisdom and coached me in my personal life. And yes, they’ve sometimes had to “get in my grill”. They’ve asked me hard questions. They’ve put their fingers on things that needed to change. They’ve wounded me at times so I could be healed and be whole. They’ve also been some of my biggest cheerleaders, encouragers and prayer warriors. I’m indebted to them. I owe who I am today to their kind care and loving counsel.
Does it hurt sometimes? YES! Is it uncomfortable to get that real and raw and close with someone who you know can see through your soul? ABSOLUTELY. But I don’t think you can go far and deep in Jesus if you don’t open yourself up to discipleship.
Take the challenge, friend. Be willing to ask for help. For coaching. For mentorship. You will never be the same again.
Evaluate Your Relationships. Ask yourself- who around you do you want to be like in life one day? Who has older kids that you hope your kids are like one day? Who models the kind of life in business you want to emulate? Who has a walk with Jesus that you want for yourself? Now go and ask them how they got there. Example: “Hey, I notice your adult kids really love Jesus and are great communicators… I have little kids, but I’d love to pick your brain about how you got there. What did you do at this point in your mothering that made the difference NOW?” or “I notice how much you understand the Bible and worship in church… can you show me what your daily time with the Lord is like?” That’s what mentoring is all about. Avoid the potholes, friends! Have courage. Ask for help.
For more practical help on mentorship, check out the links scattered through this post, read Godmothers by Lisa Bevere, or check out this conversation I had with Pastor Tim from Pennsylvania about Millennials and Mentorship.
Like bittersweet chocolate
I was just going through documents on my computer and found this piece of writing from months ago that I never posted. I re-read it and decided that even late, the words still ring true… -Faith
“Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 (KJV)
For years I wondered as a child what in the world the chocolate chip packages meant by saying “bittersweet”. I remember thinking that seemed like an oxymoron. How could chocolate be bitter AND sweet?
It took me until I was an adult to see how chocolate isn’t the only thing that is bittersweet. Life is like bittersweet chocolate too.
Sometimes we have this thought pattern that our life can only be one or another at any given time. When in fact both can live simultaneously in the same time frame. Our lives can be profoundly good and deeply hard at the same time. I’ve experienced this multiple times in the last several years.
Like bittersweet chocolate.
The times that have been the hardest and most challenging in my life have also been when I’ve learned the most about courage and about Jesus and about compassion. During depression and grief and loss, I’ve seen Jesus show up for me. The days that have been the darkest are the same ones that have opened a door for me to see the face of God in a new and very real way. Good and bad often exist in our lives together.
Like bittersweet chocolate.
Maybe the bitterness in chocolate allows you to enjoy it more. Without the bitterness the chocolate would be too rich to consume. It would be overwhelming. The sweetness is what draws us to eat chocolate again and again. If it wasn’t sweet, we’d have no desire to enjoy it. The sweetness is never overcome by the bitterness. Bitter and sweet, working together for the most enjoyment.
We all have bittersweet moments in life. It might be motherhood… knowing the sweetness of your newborn far outweighs the sleepless nights. Maybe it’s the loss of a parent who struggled with cancer for years. You miss them deeply but you know they are now painless and enjoying perfect health.
Like bittersweet chocolate.
I’m currently standing at one of those bittersweet moments. Let me give you some back story…
In August 2019, weeks before my 31st birthday, Tim Hayes and I started dating. After years of singleness, SURPRISED is an understatement. I was excited and a little scared and totally unprepared for all the amazing ways that God would bless me through this man. He is such a gift to me.
Then on August 22nd, 2020 Tim asked me to be his wife. I knew in the back of my mind this day was coming…but I was happily shocked. We were hiking at a state park where we often go and my sister was with us, toting a camera. That fact seemed relatively normal because she always is taking pictures. I had no idea she had been commissioned to capture “the moment” behind the lens.
I said YES. Naturally!
This is the sweet part. I am getting married! I get to spend the rest of my life with Tim, who loves Jesus and wants to follow Him intentionally. Marriage also means I don’t have to say good bye to my best friend every few weeks for long stretches of time. Long distance relationships are difficult in that regard. 800 miles is a long way. We get to be together and do life and serving JESUS together now instead of from a distance. The sweet part of chocolate.
There is a slightly bitter part too.
I’m moving nearly 800 miles away from everything I’ve ever known.
For 32 years I have always lived at home. Yes, I have traveled over the last few years, but I always come back to the same house where my family lives. While I’ve moved a lot in my life, I have lived in Camden the longest ever…15 whole years. That’s over twice as long as I have lived anywhere else! My community has been a beautiful place to learn and grow and make friends. My roots are deep in this place.
My church is a safe haven for me. They are my people. They are my cheer leaders. They pray for me. They give me a chance to lead and a place to recharge after a long season of ministry.
My family is the bomb. They have championed me, cried with me, laughed with me and pushed me to greater heights. I have been here for the milestones…for birthday celebrations and holidays. I have been here to hold all my brothers’ babies right after they are born and when those same babies decide to take their first steps. My siblings and parents are my safe spot to share my dreams and failures. They also loved Tim before I did. Which is a beautiful gift within itself. They are excited and ready to help launch me into this next season of life, despite the fact that I am moving 12 hours away.
These are the realities that ground me from floating away on the clouds of love and wedding bliss. These are the bitter parts of this chocolate.
Together…this an amazing, scary, beautiful and broken time of my life. This is like bittersweet chocolate.
To be fair, the sweet is definitely outweighing the bitter. Hands down, the sweetness of this season is winning. I think WAY MORE about spending my life with Tim, and would move half way across the world to marry him, if needed. So, the sweet is definitely the main point here. But the bitter is still there. It reminds me that sometimes in life there are both glorious good and hard circumstances. At the same exact time. They work together for our good and His glory. This is why we need to live with open hands…to appreciate both parts of the chocolate.
The sweet reminds us of how Good our Father is.
The bitter reminds us to lean into the Father more.
Together, it’s a bittersweet chocolate like no other. And we keep coming back for more.
“Keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne.” Hebrews 12:2 (HCSB)
Part 1- Millennials and Gen Z,
One thing has echoed strongly in my heart over the last months of quarantine and face masks in the strange phenomenon of our current world…
RELATIONSHIPS.
Now, more than ever, I see the importance of my people. My people help give me a reason to get out of bed each morning, push me to dream big despite the odds, and make me laugh when there are a dozen things that make me want to cry. My people encourage me to seek Jesus and challenge me to be the best version of who God has created me to be.
Here’s the thing: we need different types of human friendships.
Several months ago, I was heading into a season where I could feel the choke hold of depression wanting to creep up again. I know depression’s whispers and I wasn’t about to give up without a fight. So, I took out a sticky note and wrote at the top: WHAT MAKES ME HEALTHY? I knew I needed to buckle down and pursue health… spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.
My list was surprisingly small. (I’ll share my actual list in another blog…) At the top where three key things to my health: being mentored, my friends, and ministering to others. This thought has become a thread in my life in the last several months. It made me think of Paul, Barnabas and Timothy.
In the New Testament we see a need for these three certain types of relationships. The more I study the Word, the more I realize that in order to have a fruitful life, I need ALL three relationships in my life, working together for my good and growth. The Paul-coaches. The Barnabas-friends. The Timothy-mentees.
I’ve studied these relationships extensively for years, but never before have I seen the profound importance of these three types of friendships than now. In our world, we need to understand how God has wired us to need these interactions with “our people”.
I have a burden for my generation and the one coming after me: both Millennials (born 1981-1996) and Generation Z (born 1997-2012) to seek wise relationships. For eight years, I’ve worked in fulltime ministry with women of all ages and stages of life…starting with teenagers and now with women from all walks of life and religious backgrounds. One thing is for sure- we aren’t getting the friendship thing right. Out of all the generations, Millennials and Generation Zs are the worst. BY FAR. We are missing the boat. We are trying to redefine what God has designed and “recreate the wheel”, so to speak. We are messed up and trying to fix our brokenness all alone.
Hear me: I’m with you. I am a Millennial. There is a disconnect.
This relational brokenness is woven into our culture like the fiber of our souls. But I am here to tell you: there is an answer. I’ve lived it (in the moments I have chosen to fight for it!) and it is beautiful. Radical. Full and free. It will mean breaking outside our cultural norm and choosing to not settle for less. It will mean being uncomfortable. It will mean being “weird” at times. It is also SO WORTH IT.
If I know one thing about Millennials and Gen Zs, I know this: we can be bold and brave. Let’s choose to do it for something that matters.
The first step is obvious: you have to ADMIT and AGREE that you have an issue in your relationships. You have to acknowledge that there has to be more. You have to be willing to learn. Truth is: Millennials are the most prideful and unteachable people I meet. Sorry to make such a harsh statement, but nine times out of ten, we seem to think we have it in the bag. We don’t need help. We are fine. We don’t need other people. We don’t NEED. That’s pride. Pride is SIN. Let’s be straight forward here…if you want more for your life and your relationships, you’re gonna have to get real and see your NEED for help.
In his book, The Last Arrow, Erwin Raphael McManus writes: “Your greatest strength is not when you can prove that you don’t need anyone; your greatest strength is when you no longer have to prove that you can do it alone.” Let’s get honest so we can grow, friends.
I’m no psychologist and I don’t claim to understand the complexities of relationships, but I have brushed shoulders with dozens of teenagers and hundreds of women from all backgrounds, stages of faith, and life stories. I have made note of the common threads in human interaction and traced the same principles through the pages of Scripture. I want more than the world is offering. I want more than superficial relationships. I am craving something real and tangible and deep.
Good news is, we can have depth in human interactions. We can have healthy, full, strong relationships. The Bible has the answers…both in word and in the friendships we see modeled in the pages there.
I want to invite you on a journey of taking back what our generations have tried to redefine and together, reach for something bigger and better. I want to invite you to open your heart and truly seek truth. It might take an overhaul in our relationships, but I’m willing…how about you?
Over the next few weeks, we’re going to explore each of these three relationships on this blog. We are going to dive into the Word together AND look at how our generations are interacting with other with the backdrop of truth. There will be specific questions to help you pin-point your areas of need and practical suggestions to reach for more and get the ball rolling.
Hear me say this, friend. Although this is may seem harsh at times and straight forward, my heart BLEEDS for my generation and those coming after us. We aren’t living in fullness. We could be SO MUCH MORE if we understand these principles about Godly relationships and the balance between intake, iron-sharpening-iron, and output. We could be world changers for Jesus. I truly believe Millennials and Gen Z cannot tap their full potential without these truths laid out in God’s Word. I don’t know about you, but I want to be all God has made me to be. It takes these three kinds of relationships.
For the record, that depression never did get the better foot-hold several weeks ago…and I can’t take the credit. Jesus used my Pauls, my Barnabases and my Timothys to keep me healthy. I believe these three relationships just may be the missing link to so many of my generation’s hunger pains. God has wired us to need each other and uses us to support and love each other well. HOW we do that is important.
Won’t you join me on this adventure over the next few weeks? We need more than a facelift in our human interactions. We need an overhaul. Who’s with me?
(If you want to join us, make sure you sign up to receive these blogs via email where you can be the first to read them and interact with me. I’d love to hear from you- your questions and feedback are welcome. Shoot me an email!)
It’s Not a Contest
Don’t be threatened by someone else’s talents, gifts, or abilities.
There is a downfall that often plagues people in leadership: other people’s successes. I’ve met plenty of people who are threatened by another person’s success in their same field of work. Pastors can be threatened by another pastor’s church growth. Bible study leaders threatened by some of their students choosing to join a different group. Business owners feeling cheated when another company excels in their same field.
It’s not a contest, friends.
The fact that you’re threatened says a few things about you. 1) you aren’t secure in who God made you to be because you’re basing your success on how you measure up to someone else. 2) you can’t take joy in someone else’s victories…which simply put, means you’re jealous. 3) you’ve mistakenly made this a contest versus a calling.
Sorry if those statements stepped on your toes. Believe me, friend, I’ve looked at myself in the mirror before and said these same things. When my soul turned green because it was someone else’s day in the spotlight. Are you jealous of them? Are you wishing you had their job promotion? Their ministry platform? Or maybe you can’t take joy in a friend’s engagement because you were hoping for a ring and a new name. Green doesn’t suit you, friend. You were made to enjoy YOUR STORY. Your platform (no matter how small). Your current position in your company. Your numbers…even if they are few.
In fact, we can learn from each other. Label it cross-training, if it helps you. Here’s two examples: I have a friend who does Epicure as a small side business like I do. We have some of the same goals but aren’t in the same downline. Translated, our sales don’t benefit each other in any way and we could infringe upon each other’s territory. However, we regularly talk about Epicure, what we are doing that works and what new products we like, etc. We have some of the same friends but don’t feel threatened by each other successes. We know that because we love each other, her success is mine and visa versa. We get to take joy in each other’s wins and cheer each other up when we lose. Good friends do that. We can learn from each other because it’s not a competition.
In prison ministry, I’ve seen this same principle in action. I’ve been in prisons where I cross paths with other volunteers either traveling or from the area. Our programs may be different, but they both teach the Bible and about JESUS and about redemption. I don’t waste any time trying to make it a contest. I ask about them. Their families. Their stories. I asked about their programs. I learn from how they do things. I cheer them on and encourage them. I THANK them for what they do. Cause here’s the honest truth, it’s not a contest. It’s about truth and that makes us teammates in the grand scheme of life.
Truth is found in Jesus. In His House. At His Feet. And at the end of the day you can bolt all the other doors that lead others to Him or you can wave to those going into other doors and hold yours open wide. You can be a door bolter and locker. Or you can be a door holder.
Too many people in the Christian world make the Great Commission a contest of who can bring the most or who has the best ratings or who can have the biggest following. Hear me friends, God doesn’t work on our success scale. He is about faithful servants who leave everything on the field for whatever is in their corner. That goes for you, Mama- with toddlers and school lunches to pack and hearts to teach and soccer practice to drive to. You there, youth group leader with just a handful of kids and wishing your walls were busting at the seams. I’m talking about you. The one teaching 7th grade Sunday school and wondering if they’re even getting it.
Don’t measure your success in numbers. Fruit is what counts. Jesus had a handful of disciples that turned the world upside down. It doesn’t have to be record attendance or flowery words or likes on social media.
What matters is THEY GET TO JESUS.
How dare we run someone else’s ministry down because of our gross jealousy or greedy hearts? How dare we make this about our egos instead of His mission?
It’s not about you. It’s about Jesus.
If my friends in prison need a program I don’t offer but someone else does, I encourage them. I give them freedom to glean from Jesus in various ways. I don’t have it all. I just have Jesus.
I recently was talking with my mom about something I had previously shared with my mentor, but not her. I wondered if it would be hard or hurtful to her that I had went to someone else for help before calling her. Her answer showed tremendous maturity and Biblical wisdom. She said- “Faith, your strongest suit is that you don’t have to run to me for everything. You have other strong voices of truth that you can pull from when you have a need. I’m not threatened by that. I grateful for it.”
It’s not a contest. It’s a calling. A calling to be faithful with what you have in your hands.
We see this truth in Scripture. Check out Mark 9:38-41…
“John said to Him, “Teacher, we saw someone driving out demons in Your name, and we tried to stop him because he wasn’t following us.” “Don’t stop him,” said Jesus, “because there is a no one who will perform a miracle in My name who can soon afterward speak evil of Me. For whoever is not against us is for us. And whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because of My name, since you belong to the Messiah — I assure you: He will never lose his reward.” (HCSB)
We are on the same team. Not opposing forces clashing to get the most players. Not people of the world, watching social media score boards and counting numbers as if they are our identity. We are just door holders. All the same. Pointing to the One Who is worthy of all praise. The One Who gives us Hope and true healing. Just propping open the door we’ve been given and showing people the way to Jesus.
It’s not a contest, friends. It’s a calling. Be faithful with it and let God do the rest.
Faithful Daffodils
It’s day eight of our state’s official quarantine. Truth be told, we’ve really been cooped up longer than that since Dad and Mom halted most our normal activities ten days before that. A self-made quarantine of sorts. What were we thinking?
So here we are…eighteen days into misery and wondering if there’s even a light at the end of the tunnel. Any hope for the future? Is there even an end to this road we’re currently on? Every time we get close to the trail closing…we hear about another extension. Last I heard it could possibly be the end of April.
We aren’t even in April yet. Signal the sad violin playing in the background.
I’m trying hard not to cry my eyeballs out because I’m sick of being in these four walls. Quarantines are horrid things for us extroverted folks. An occasional walk outdoors with my siblings helps…but there are precious few days of that since we have had rainy, overcast days most of the last several weeks.
This is not what I thought my Spring would look like. I always have loved spring. Light rain is always plentiful, but there are also days of sunshine and green things pushing up through the ground. The smell of the earth…the one moment that I crave planting a huge garden. (I usually come to my senses remembering that need for weeding that goes along with that thought and then scale it down a bit). Puffy white clouds in the blue sky and little mud puddles that draw every little boy for miles with an internal magnet of sorts. Rain coats. Mud boots. Umbrellas. Daffodils.
My mind is racing until I think of daffodils. Then my heart slows down a little. Breathes deep. One word blazes across my brain: Faithfulness.
Several years ago, while I walking through some tough times emotionally and trying to navigate adult life in the awkward way we are prone to do… I went to visit family in Ohio. I’m told that I adopt family every chance I get, so the family I went to visit aren’t actual blood relatives. But I know as sure as I’m sitting here typing that they are close as they come. “My big brother” has been there for our family and we’ve been there for him. His family is part of ours and his kiddos call me “Aunt Faith”. They are undoubtedly some of MY PEOPLE.
It was a time in all of our lives where we were seeing our own brokenness and were smart enough to admit we needed some guidance. Soul healing. Hope. I needed to hear that I would make it through the rough patch I was in the middle of and that one day, I would be okay. Some days are like that more than others.
At the end of a week of being Auntie- building forts in the living room with quilts, reading a hundred story books, riding bikes and playing dolls- we sat around the breakfast table the morning I was leaving for home again. I already felt better having gotten to talk through some things with my big brother. Tough as it was to hear, it was truth I needed from someone other than my parents. I had done a lot of praying. Plenty of crying. Lots of Scripture washing over my heart during the week.
As I was leaving, they gave me a gift: a pewter necklace with the engraving of a daffodil on the front and the words “Daffodil. Faith.” on the back. They explained that just like the rose is the symbol for love, the daffodil is the symbol for faith or faithfulness.
Faithfulness.
It was a time in my life that I needed that word. My world was shifting and I felt like all I had known was turning to dust in my hands. I needed faithfulness. I needed to know that one day, if I didn’t “faint and grow weary in well doing” that the fruit of the hard days and sleepless nights would come. There would be a reward at the end of this long, unknown, uncertain path. If. I. Could. Just. Hold. On.
Faithfulness.
Daffodils are like that. Despite the cold harsh winters, they show up as if on que every spring. Their presence reminds us that life comes after death. That joy comes after sadness. That color comes after the dreary, drab rain. That there are seasons and we must patiently wait for the vale to lift so we can see the sunlight again. Daffodils remind us that God is our steady and sure anchor in an ocean of improbability and doubt.
That necklace means even more to me today than it did nearly six years ago when I first put it on. The truth is…there were a lot of days that I put it on in the morning to remind myself. To remind myself that like the daffodil pushing through the soil like it does every year, God’s promises are trustworthy. We can’t always see them. We can’t always feel them. But we can always count on them. For just when we begin to wonder if spring has forgotten to grace us… the daffodil will emerge. Like clockwork. Predictable. Trustworthy. Faithful.
On day eight of our quarantine (or 18, if you’re like me!) I’m thinking of the daffodil and I’m grateful. I’m glad that God gave us visual reminders that He can be trusted. That He is faithful when the rest of the world crumbles and is uncertain and changes its mind. When all you know is broken promises. When the only reality is how bad we need toilet paper or our unemployment check. When we want to curl up and sleep through this season like it’s a bad dream. When we worry about stuff we can’t wrap our minds around and hope that somehow in all the mayhem we will find normal again.
In all that craziness we can know that there is One Who will always be the same. JESUS. Trustworthy. Dependable. Persistent against all odds. Pursuing us. Loving us. WITH US in the middle of our messes. Faithful.
As we face these moments of uncertainty…I think of the daffodils and the faithful God who made them. He’s got this.
Practice His Presence
As many of you know, each year for the past seven years, God has stamped a theme for the next twelve months on my heart. Sometimes it has been more fun than others. Every year has challenged me to grow in new ways and shed unneeded baggage while running this race called life.
2014: Do Hard Things
2015: Reflect the Son
2016: God Writes Your Story
2017: Be Brave
2018: Come to His Table
2019: Be A Door Holder
At the dawn of this year, God made it obvious that this new theme was going to rock my style. Majorly.
Theme 2020: “Practice His Presence”.
God kept pressing these words on my heart. Even then…months ago while the letters began to be etched on my heart and mind…I had no idea what that would mean.
As often happens, every Scripture with the word PRESENCE jumped off the page and launched into my soul. In particular, Psalm 16:11, “You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in Your right hand are eternal pleasures.”
It was like God speaking directly to me with His eyes staring straight into mine. I kept thinking about REST and BEING with Jesus and the ones I love versus always running around trying to earn love and acceptance. I knew one thing for sure: if I didn’t want to burn out, I desperately needed soul rest.
Another thing I’ve been doing since 2016 at the end of each year and into the beginning of a new one is reprioritize and pray through my life/responsibilities/goals. It helps me inventory what I am responsible for and what aren’t needful. I say no to a lot of things. I say yes to a few things. I try to simplify and declutter so I can focus on what really matters. This is a painful process of letting go and allowing God to put His finger on things that aren’t BEST for me. I’ve learned that good is often the enemy of the best. As I do regularly, I asked my parents and mentors to speak into areas that were broken and needed healed. Their perspectives are windows into my life that sometimes I can’t see and need clarity on. I’m grateful for their direction and reproof.
There are ways God immediately did surgery on my heart to remove things that didn’t need to be there in order to Practice His Presence. I fasted from certain things for a period of time before reevaluating and learning what holds (good or bad) those things had on my attention. This is still a process I’m in.
All that to say…I’m being renewed in 2020. Learning what Practicing His Presence means. Learning about soul rest so I can be stronger to serve Jesus. Seeing areas of my life that need to be sanctified and healed. I’d be a liar if I didn’t tell you that it hurts like crazy. Lots of tears. White-knuckle gripping the things I want to keep, but aren’t best for me. Surrendering isn’t easy because it requires death to self.
Practice His Presence.
PRACTICE.
Practice is something that we do because we are learning. Growing into. Never achieving fully, but hopefully becoming better and more experienced in. It’s a day-in-day-out activity that we have to intentionally schedule in, prioritize and place an importance on. If we never practice, we will never be able to actually make it a part of our character. Repetition is a way of weaving something into the fibers of who we are. Habit can be equally good as it is bad…depending on what you’re practicing.
Isaiah 30:15 says, “For the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said: ‘You will be delivered by returning and resting; your strength will lie in quiet confidence, but you are not willing.’” There have been a thousand times when I have thought that my victory was in me DOING. Achieving. Running around ragged…as if it were a spiritual gift or made me a better Christian. That somehow spending every last ounce of my energy, and perhaps even more than I actually had to give, would get me a place of position in God’s better graces. That when I crashed after weeks of expending every drop of sweat and blood in ministry, it was a good sign.
I’ve been a person to run myself ragged more times than I care to admit. Just a year ago I crashed in the middle of a ministry trip. Majorly. Not enough sleep and soul rest led me to the brink of burn out. I got up one day in the middle of a prison ministry week and couldn’t keep my eyes open for devotions. I literally stood up doing my Scripture time and dozed off standing up. My tank was bone-dry. It was pathetic at best. I had made the serving of Jesus more important than the being with Him. Rest would be there when I could get around to it! I had drove myself to a dangerous place physically. Unsafe, really. My team rallied around me in prayer and stepped up to lead. I went back to my bunk and slept for a solid seven more hours! That sealed the deal in my mind. I had to prioritize rest for the health of my body and soul…so I could serve well in a spiritual capacity.
There is nothing spiritual about draining your tank so low that your own relationship with Jesus suffers and your body can’t even stand up after a short night’s sleep. It actually show us that we think we are indivisible. Even Jesus Himself prioritized getting alone with His Father and refilling spiritually. Rest is key to our spiritual, soul, and body health. As this Scripture reminds us: “You will be delivered by returning and resting; your strength will lie in quiet confidence, but you are not willing.” Are we willing to practice resting in Jesus? Prioritizing our soul health so we can serve Jesus well? This is the essence of why God created the Sabbath.
HIS.
Being like Jesus isn’t easy. In fact, it’s arguably the hardest thing to do. After all, He’s perfect and I am totally not. Psalm 73:28, “But as for me, God’s presence is my good. I have made the Lord God my refuge, so I can tell about all You do.” His Presence is peace. Our Identity. Our hope. Everything we need is in His Presence. Too often, I have gathered feelings about myself from the voices around me…whether they were good or bad determined how I felt about myself. The mirror had more of a voice than my Creator. I’ve let people who barely know me speak things into me that I took and gave them more weight than the One who made me.
His Voice has to be the loudest. The most valued. The biggest weight. That part is up to me. I choose who I listen to and how much I allow their voice to carry weight. It has to be HIM. HIS VOICE. HIS TRUTH.
PRESENCE.
This is the essence of being. Our loved ones would rather us BE WITH US than for us to give them all manner of other things and not ourselves. God wants our time too. He wants us to BE with Him. As He is with us. God with us= Emmanuel.
Acts 4:13 says, “When they observed the boldness of Peter and John and realized that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed and recognized that they had been with Jesus.” It wasn’t what they were wearing or how they were carrying themselves or what was in their bank account. It wasn’t their job positions or educations. It was this one thing that set them apart: they had been with JESUS.
When is the last time I have BEEN WITH Jesus? Presence. When have I last sat with Him, given Him all my attention, and listened quietly? More often I am reading Scripture because I know it’s good for me and then rushing off on the next to-do list project.
As I’ve read about Jesus through the Gospels, I notice one major thing: He practiced BEING WITH people way more than I do. I like doing stuff for people. I like talking with people. I’m an extrovert who loves people.
But what if my doing and talking didn’t actually carry as much meaning as my BEING WITH those I love? That’s a disappointing truth…since I’m not very good at the BEING WITH part.
I’ve noticed that even my young nieces and nephews prefer my presence over my stuff. I have several nephews that want to sit next to me and just hold my hand. When there are more than two at a time, this presents a problem…but it is a visual reminder of what Presence really means. They want to be with me.
I can’t help but think that Jesus wants us to be this way too. He wants us to regularly crawl up next to Him, lean against His arm and hold His hand. When we do this, we can actually hear the rhythm of His heart beat and hear His Voice clearly. We can feel the security of being with Him. In His Presence is everything we need.
Practice His Presence.
For the rest of this year, I’m going to be learning what this actually means.
Burning My Plow
I had been asking for a sign. For God to speak to me about the future and His purposes in ministry. Truth be told, I know I can’t do both full-time PCM (Polished Cornerstones Ministry) and full-time Prison ministry. But who wants to say no to either one? Both are good. Both are making a difference. Both are valuable and needed in our world.
I’d been praying. I’d been asking for counsel. I’d been wondering what God wanted for me.
March 24th, 2019, He spoke. I was sitting in a church pew hours before I would leave town for another prison trip and listening to one of my favorite preachers talk about Job and Elijah and Elisha and yoke of oxen. I know, you’re wondering how all that connects. Believe me, it does and it is beautiful.
I was sitting there thinking about the picture of being yoked with Jesus and allowing Him to lead. Following Him wherever and being content to pull a load and tackle the world knowing that He will do the hard work and I just need to submit and follow in joyful obedience.
Then he drops the bomb. He starts talking about how we need to be willing to abandon our former lives to reach for what God has for us in the future. That’s what Elisha did. He was a skilled yoked-oxen-farmer and when he was called to follow Elijah and do the work of God, he burned his yoke, plow and oxen. That way he wouldn’t have the opportunity to come back to his old life. He burned his bridge back and chose to run after a life that looked completely different than anything he had ever known.
I felt it in my spirit. I heard His voice. Jesus was calling me out.
I’ve heard Him and felt His work in my heart before, so I knew this was Him. The tears were streaming down my face at that point. I saw my past… beautiful, good work that I loved, but that was fading. Would I be willing to turn and start something different? Would I be willing to burn my plow and oxen and run towards a new life?
It all boiled down to surrender. I knew He was asking me to offer Him what was in my hands… my dreams, my family, my church, my Community, my Church, my friends- for something that He had for me. He said it would be better for me. Not easier. Not more comfortable. Better.
This much I knew: in order to grab ahold of the new (unknown) life ahead, I had to let go of the current world in my hands. That hurts. It stinks. And for a chronicly fearful gal, it’s scary.
But for all the scariness that stood in front of me that night, I knew this: it scared me more to miss the opportunity of adventuring with Jesus. So, I said yes. I knew, He meant business. And so did I.
Fast forward five months and today I sat with part of my PCM staff and told them I was resigning my position. They didn’t even wince. They saw it coming and they were willing too. They smiled and said the things I most needed to hear… “You can do this, Faith.” “Everything is gonna be okay.” “It was a beautiful season, but we knew it wasn’t forever.” One of them told me, “I think the last five years was a warm up for this next chapter of your life.” I choked back the tears…because these women were doing what they do best… cheering me on as I run at the heels of Jesus.
Life is never as we assume it will be. It’s unpredictable. It’s ever-changing.
Jesus is the only steady in my craziness. He is beautiful. He is faithful. He is Someone I can count on when the rest of the world seems shaky and unpredictable. And even though the unknown scares my socks off, I wouldn’t want to be adventurous with Anyone Else. He’s got the map. He’s got the power. He knows what He’s doing.
I can burn my plow for Someone like that. Jesus is worth it.
The Power of ONE
“Can you pray for me?” The question caught me off guard. We were in the hallway of the education building where young inmates were coming in for their afternoon classes. YOs are generally not very friendly. Especially with someone they don’t know. The trust factor is a real thing.
First, let me back up.
We had scheduled a special class for YOs (Youthful Offenders) in this particular prison. It’s always our hardest crowd to minister to… but so worth it! The zeal that young people have when they are set on fire for Jesus is worth the difficulty in getting to that point. They are regular world-changers, if we are willing to view them as such. For this reason, we press on.
We had a four-day class in one of the education buildings. We had our own room for those four days. Every morning we would come in and set up our equipment… DVD player, laptop, pencil sharpener and pencils, screen, projector, and workbooks. Then we would wait.
Little did we know what we were getting into that week. When Susannah and I started that first day, we barely knew each other. A few short conversations in person at various events and a couple phone calls leading up to the week. We were just acquaintances, really. That was about to change. We have a saying on my women’s prison team- “Come as friends, leave as sisters.” That’s the way it goes. Intense ministry can make or break you.
For our first two days no one showed up.
That’s never happened to me. There was literally not a soul that came those first two days. We were stuck in a room a thousand miles from home and not a person to show for the time and energy we had prepared. It was discouraging if I stopped and thought about it too long. But Susannah and I were determined to not go there with our minds. Instead, we chose to stake our claim on the hearts of these girls.
We prayed like mad women for two days.
There in that little classroom, we prayed for hours. Once in a while a passer-by would stick their head in our room and ask where our students were. “They’re coming,” we’d say, or “we don’t have any yet.” There were a lot of strange looks from people…especially from the other teachers in the building. One teacher kept telling us- “You came all this way and don’t have any students? Go to the beach or something! I feel so bad…you’re sitting here and you have no one. Don’t waste your time. Go enjoy yourself.” We smiled. He couldn’t see what we could see.
Like Elisha when he saw what his servant didn’t see in 2 Kings 6…Elisha saw the Army of the Lord and his servant couldn’t see, so he was afraid. We could sit and wait knowing that God could still make something beautiful out of our days of sitting and prayer. What if our waiting was for someone else? What if our waiting was showing that one teacher that we were willing to wait for ONE student? What if our patience was proving to him that there is a God in heaven who waits for the one? Even for ONE. What if our waiting showed the love of the Father for one child? Individually. Personally.
By the end of our first day, that room was like our home. We stood at the doorway during break times and talked to the ladies coming by. We had women come in and sit on the front row, telling us their stories and asking for prayer. One at a time, we ministered to them in whatever ways we could. It started feeling like our living room where the broken were coming. I started to wonder if this would be our week.
Over and over I heard the words of Revelation 3:8- “I know your works. Because you have limited strength, have kept My word, and have not denied My name, look, I have placed before you and open door that no one is able to close.” (HCSB) I kept feeling like God was setting the stage for something bigger than we could even imagine.
It’s not in numbers friends. Jesus turned the world upside-down with twelve men. I am willing to bet that He can do the same with a few gals from prison. Or He could do it with ONE.
After two days of praying and small talk with those visiting “our house”, we made a bold request and ASKED to track down some students. Maybe sometimes God tells us there is an open door… then He asks us to kick it down. It’s unlocked, but maybe it’s stuck. The authorities said we could stand near the education classes and talk to the girls coming in after lunch. We were all about it.
When the YOs started pouring in the doors, my friend Susannah and I split up and started trying to make conversation with the girls as they walked by. I stood there in a lull, looking for a pair of eyeballs to meet mine, ready to jump out with a smile and howdy-do. I kept whispering under my breath, “Jesus, just give me ONE.” But no one was making eye contact with me.
Then I heard a voice behind me. “Can you pray for me?”
It startled me. A girl who I had seen walk by me had whirled around and stood directly next to me. She had her head down and she was twiddling her hat in her hands. She seemed nervous. I reached for her hands and although she gave them to me, she kept her head down. “Absolutely! What do you want me to pray for?”
Her answer cut through me.
“I want God’s favor on my life. I need help. I need answers.” This was my one. I had come a thousand miles for THIS GIRL.
Fast forward two more days and we were wrapping up our class with SIX GIRLS, ages 17-23. Y’all, that’s a door that we couldn’t have went through if it wasn’t for Jesus.
I had my one and Susannah had her one and each of them had brought friends. We ended the class with six girls who were ready to face the compound with a new zeal and hunger for Jesus. One 17-year-old decided to follow Jesus with her life. Maybe she was our ONE too.
Yes, we cried tears of joy over these girls. But can I tell you what made me cry every single time those last two days?
When that certain teacher would come by and peak in the window and see us teaching the class. Every time he came by and stood in the window or whenever some other teacher or inmate who knew us from the first two days came by and peaking their heads in the door, their responses made me tear up. They knew of the waiting. They knew about the praying. They knew that we had staked out in an empty room waiting for ONE. And then they saw filled chairs and workbooks being wrote in and interactions between us and the YOs and they knew- Jesus is real. I saw a dozen or more inmates and teachers stand in that window over those two days and clap. Quiet standing ovations to the God who believes in waiting for ONE. They would laugh and high-five us. They would give our girls thumbs up.
I’ve never seen six girls so applauded by the rest of the prison compound as these gals were. They weren’t just waited for by us anymore…there was a host of men and women that were rooting for those chairs to be filled. Now they were seeing the answer of their waiting and hoping. Maybe true faith is slightly contagious.
We weren’t standing our ground for ourselves. We were willing to wait because we believed that the Jesus we serve is more powerful than the one who had chained these in prison. Because ONE can change the world. Perhaps the domino affect starts here in the waiting.
Do you have ONE you’re waiting for? Don’t give up, friend.
There is power in one. The ONE named Jesus and He says ONE is worth the wait.
FREE Bible Studies!
Hey friends,
Wanted you to know that my website has been updated with some free resources on studying the Bible…Three video series that encourage studying the Word and living for Jesus.
The Brave and Courageous Living series is three stories of women from different ages and stages of life who have learned what it means to walk in courage and trust in the Lord.
The Secrets to Home Bible Study series is a practical four-part progression of how to lead your own Bible study with other people. It’s fun, hands on, and you can even download the free study guide to follow along and write down your thoughts.
The 16-Day Challenge is a 16 days of discovering your identity in Christ through the pages of Scripture. The free downloadable study guide will help you process through questions and stories. Originally designed for teen girls, this study has since been taken by women (and even a few guys!) across the United States.
If you’re looking for a summer series to encourage your walk with Jesus, this might be the thing!
Have a blessed summer,
Faith Walker
Living Brave and Courageous 