Dear Single Sister

“Singleness is a beautiful time of deepening your relationship with Jesus.” Doesn’t everyone say that to you? I know. I’ve been there. I’m saying it from a perspective of a woman who was happily single and over 30. I didn’t date until I was 31. I had found “the One Who my soul loves” in Jesus and was content to stay there for the rest of my life, if needed. In fact, when the possibility of marriage came my way, I was hesitant!

Singleness can be viewed as a disease or something to just “survive” when I whole-heartedly believe God wants us to THRIVE in our single years. They can be so full and fruitful and wonderful! And most of us cheat ourselves because we spend our single years wishing for, fretting after, and worrying about our future marriage. I know girls who can’t have healthy relationships with the opposite gender because they are viewing every man as a potential mate. No guy wants to be friends with that kind of pressure.

Often I get text messages, emails and phone calls from gals who are curious about my life as a single woman. How did I do it? What helped me navigate that particular season in my life? There are a thousand “little” things that helped my journey along the way. People who spoke into my life in beautiful ways that changed me forever. Hardships which shaped my character and drew me to Jesus. But after repeated requests for help as single women…I finally decided to put together some of my favorite resources that strengthened my walk with the Lord during my season of singleness. I have also put down some Spiritual Disciplines that molded my life during that period.

These lists are by no means exhaustive, but they are important resources that shaped me more than I probably even realize. I hope these ideas will encourage you as you walk through these beautiful years of singled-focus on Jesus.

Blessings on your journey,

Faith Hayes

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1: Books you NEED to read. (note: these are not all about singleness, but to encourage your relationship with Christ in any season.)

Let’s All Be Brave, by Annie F. Downs

Kisses from Katie, by Katie Davis Majors

Anything, by Jennie Allen

Fervant, by Pricilla Shirer

Wherever the River Runs, by Kelly Minter

Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley

Fine China is for Single Women too, by Lydia Brownback

Adorned, by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

Thrive, by Lina AbuJara

Daring to Hope, by Katie Davis Majors

Love Does, Everybody Always, Dream Big and Undistracted by Bob Goff

The Right Kind of Strong, by Mary Kassian

You can Trust God to Write your Story, by Robert and Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

Fierce Women, by Kimberly Wagner

You and Me Forever, by Francis and Lisa Chan

Outdated, by John “JP” Pokluda

Singled Out for Him, by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

Get Lost, by Dannah Gresh

Giddy Up, Eunice by Sophie Hudson

Whisper by Mark Batterson 

Not forsaken by Louie Giglio 

Not a fan by Kyle Idleman 

Befriend by Scott Sauls

In a pit with a lion on a snowy day by Mark Batterson

Something needs to change by David Platt

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2: Videos, websites and articles that really encouraged me…

“Don’t Waste Your Singleness” article by Tyler Velin

“Love Takes Action” you tube video by Bob Goff

“A Disney Trip and 3 Reasons I’m Choosing Aunthood” article by Kelly Minter

The If Gathering website

Revive Our Hearts ministry website

Living Brave and Courageous website, search “Singleness” for articles

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3: Spiritual Disciplines…

DO focus on being a Godly woman. Wanna practice being a mom? Take care of other people’s kids. Wanna be a good wife? Learn to lose agreements graciously with your brothers and to do the things they like to do. Instead of focusing on “marriage skills”, focus on Jesus. Focus on being a woman after His heart. All those skills will easily transfer to being a godly wife and mom.

DO practice FORGIVENESS. Admit when you are wrong. Humility is a beautiful thing at any stage of life, both single and married.

 DO pour into your family relationships. Your parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

DO be an energy giver. Especially at your church. Don’t suck the life out of them…or you can guarantee pity! Instead, be a life giver! Be encouraging! Use the power of your kind words to lift up those around you!

DO NOT view every guy as a potential mate. If you find yourself putting your first name with his last or wondering what kind of husband he would make…you’re hopelessly over the line. Instead, DO treat all Christian guys as brothers. Ask yourself, would I do this or say this to my real brother? You wouldn’t flirt with your brother so don’t with Christian guys.

DO learn to lean into Jesus more than anything or anyone. You’ll need that in marriage.

DO invest in other people’s children. Adopt yourself some nieces and nephews. Then show up for them. Go to their baseball games, cheer for them at their recitals, and love them when they have difficult moments.

DO guard other people’s marriages. Be faithful to yours. (Proverbs 31:11-12) Be wise in protecting the marriages of other people. This could be things like babysitting their kids so they can go on a date night or even simpler disciplines like not texting a married man unless on a thread with his wife. This isn’t because you are distrusting…it’s because sin will take foothold in the smallest ways and you want to protect others’ marriages and yourself!

DO take good notes of marriages and parenting around you. What good things would you like to follow if God leads you to marry and have children? What things do you NOT want to repeat that you see in others?

DO invest time and money into your relationship with Jesus. Conferences, Bible studies, dates each week with Jesus, etc. Invest in your love life with the Lord. Just as you would make time for a guy you were dating, make that special time with Jesus. Invest financially in your relationship with Him. Sacrifice for Him because you LOVE Him!

DON’T ignore all the things- travel, read, babysit, go on mission trips, take retreats with the Lord, have sleepovers with your nieces and nephews, write the book, take music lessons, learn to paint, get the degree, volunteer at the neonatal unit, adopt a grandparent at your local nursing home…do all the things. One day, you’ll have less time…I promise.

DO treat your singleness as a ticking clock that could unknowly stop any minute. Let it motivate you to leave it all on the field. Start living with an urgency that your life may forever change any day and afford you less time.

DO have mentors. Being mentored regularly by multiple people is one of the most life-changing spiritual disciplines. I would not be anywhere near where I am today without the voices of these men and women of God speaking into me…in the good times and in the tough moments. As a word of caution- as a woman, you need older women speaking into you. Your peers don’t count. A man alone isn’t a good idea. And your older-than-you boyfriend doesn’t count either. (check out Titus 2:3-5 if you think I’m wrong). God has wired us as women to need other women. I also had an older (they are close to my grandparents’ ages) married couple that mentored me for years and still speak into my life when needed!

DO NOT spend too much time with people who rehearse negativity and hopelessness to you. This is hard if it’s a parent…but we can choose our friends wisely. Just be guarded with your time when with people who pity you for your singleness, try to constantly try to set you up on blind dates and act like your current season is horrible, makes you broken or means you’re diseased. The more you hear their verbiage, the more you will start to believe it and your attitude towards singleness will shift to woe-as-me.

DO look for opportunities to serve Jesus in ways you may not be able to as a married woman. You will never have the chances you have today as a single lady.

DO learn to be brave and do things outside your box. Do the things that scare you. Take holy risks. Courageous living looks good on you!

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These are things I learned and resources I have been blessed by. They helped me focus on Jesus and not my marital status…or lack thereof. These disciplines kept me so about the business of living Jesus and serving Him that I didn’t have time to feel bad about my singleness or feel like I was missing out on something! I hope these are encouraging to you AND that you add some things to the list yourself!

What are some other helpful things you found…resources, scriptures or spiritual disciplines? Comment below! I’d love to hear and keep this conversation going!